Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize