I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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