I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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