I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize