I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
