and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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