So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
