i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize