She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
