You just made me feel so damn special
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
