The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Who died my cat blue again?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
