She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
