she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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