I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
