Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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