your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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