where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
