miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Randomize
