i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize