hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
bring money and cleavage
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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