i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
