Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
worst night to have a conscience
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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