just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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