Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
