God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize