Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
