He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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