Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Your cock deserves a montage
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
