dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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