PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
