I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
