im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
