You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you inspire me to be a worse person
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
