well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
