I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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