I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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