you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
too bad you live with your parents still
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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