I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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