Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
