Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
