in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
