Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
