Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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