take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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