i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
