when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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