I want to stick my p in your. b.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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