We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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