I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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