What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize