Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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