We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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