i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
