i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
