The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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