She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize