I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
