I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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