yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
