was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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