grandma shit on top of the toilet
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize