my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
