That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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