my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
