Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
