everyone is single if you try hard enough
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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