I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
