I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
