I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
