we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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