So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
