He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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