Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
