how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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