I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
