i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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