it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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