I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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