At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize