yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
