I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
