Someone shit on the floor
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
