My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
