Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
