Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
