Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
