You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
