8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
