evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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