I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
