My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
