The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
