I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
