you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
