Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
