I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
