Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
