I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
