My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
