you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
