i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
