He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
