Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
