No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
