the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
