there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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