my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
